Beautifully Distressed is one of my favorite Pinterest boards. I thoroughly enjoy browsing the wealth of pictures that have captured the beauty of antique furniture. Many of the pieces are so old, chipped, dented and damaged, that there has been no other option but to paint them and distress them. Thus, "Beautifully Distressed." Today, I realized I should just pin myself onto this board. I'm distressed in so many ways:
1. I have three kids. I'm harried, hurried and sometimes haggard. My brow is forming a wrinkle from all the "distress-related furrowing."
2. I have, so to speak, "pinned" myself too many times, to quite a few commitments. All of which I love, of course, but together they can add a little too much patina to my facade.
3. I'm a worrier. Every rattling cough or itchy eye, each tale of harsh words spoken at school, all of the fears of impending middle school…they weigh on my shoulders and deepen that furrow.
4. And here's my biggest reason I'm "distressed:" I'm a hopeless, never-changing, selfish, sometimes broken: sinner. I'm not just the gently used side table at the flea market. I'm that old barn door that is so broken, so weathered, so rickety that the only use for it is to salvage its wood. It is beyond repair by human hands. But here's where the beauty begins: I happen to know someone who's pretty good at restoration. His name is Jesus, and when He died on the cross He restored the most important part of me: My Soul. While I'm on this earth I will keep aging, weathering and distressing. But inside, deep in my soul, I am a beautifully restored creation…just waiting to be united with my creator and restorer! I am loved in spite of my imperfections. I am cherished even when I am broken.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
I am a Christian. I love my Savior, and He loves me…no matter how unworthy I may feel. My prayer is that I will always show God's amazing love…through my roles as wife, mother, daughter, sister, teacher and friend.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Christ's Sacrifice...and How My Children Understand!!
It is early in the morning. Easter Eve. I am awake early, my mind is on the day ahead: ironing Easter dresses, planning my Easter dinner menu, Easter baskets and eggs to decorate. My two oldest children creep down the stairs to sit with me on the couch.
My ever compassionate daughter chimes in with the sermon story she remembers about the very sick little boy, Francesco, who was almost dying during his operation in a remote village. She tells me how he needed blood, and his type was very rare. But his surgeon was that exact match and gave his B negative blood to the boy in the middle of surgery. She goes on to tell me how Jesus has the MOST rare blood type in the world...it is everyone's blood type... and he gave it to all of us.
At this early hour in the day, I have been given a gentle but powerful reminder, coming from Christ through the voices and hearts of my amazing children. This weekend is about my sin. About my Savior who became that lamb and gave me His blood so that my sin can be wiped clean (like the removal of a tattoo...another sermon story, remembered by my daughter).
My heart is overflowing with joy, knowing that my children LISTENED, REMEMBERED, CONNECTED and BELIEVE. And that this is not just a story, Christ died for them!
Thank you, my amazing Savior, for giving up your life for us. For my children who love you so much, and still trust so innocently and blindly in you! May they always keep that love and awe. Thank you for sending them to me, to help my faith grow, even as I foolishly think I will be doing all the teaching! Your grace and mercy are new to me every day! Amen.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Three Things
I have three wishes for each of my children. That they will live a long, happy, and healthy life.
Just three little things. That's not too much to ask, right?
I guess it might seem small when I phrase it as just three things, but in my heart I know I am wishing for so much more. And, also I know I'm not really wishing. I'm fervently praying.
These three hopes for my children are completely intertwined with one another. I want them to live a long life, yet I want it to be healthy. I don't want them to lead a long, miserable life. I don't want them to have a short, happy life. These three things are a package deal. And I'm afraid to say that I have a rather demanding attitude towards God, that he had better deliver on my tall order.
Praying to Him, that "His will be done" is surely the hardest part of my life as a human. So I struggle with this, as I'm sure every parent does.
As I pray that our Heavenly Father will take care of my children according to His will (not mine), my next breath must be "help me trust you...help me trust you...help me trust you." I know that God is smarter than me, sees our futures, knows our needs, loves beyond measure, never tires, and PROMISES to take care of us.
Lord, my prayer today is that you will take care of my children. You know what is in my heart, and exactly how I want you to bless us! It is my prayer that you would grant me that blessing! But if you have other plans for us, and my children, please help me be able to accept your blessings in the ways you bestow them. Help me trust in your wisdom and lean on your strength. Amen.
Just three little things. That's not too much to ask, right?
I guess it might seem small when I phrase it as just three things, but in my heart I know I am wishing for so much more. And, also I know I'm not really wishing. I'm fervently praying.
These three hopes for my children are completely intertwined with one another. I want them to live a long life, yet I want it to be healthy. I don't want them to lead a long, miserable life. I don't want them to have a short, happy life. These three things are a package deal. And I'm afraid to say that I have a rather demanding attitude towards God, that he had better deliver on my tall order.
Praying to Him, that "His will be done" is surely the hardest part of my life as a human. So I struggle with this, as I'm sure every parent does.
As I pray that our Heavenly Father will take care of my children according to His will (not mine), my next breath must be "help me trust you...help me trust you...help me trust you." I know that God is smarter than me, sees our futures, knows our needs, loves beyond measure, never tires, and PROMISES to take care of us.
Lord, my prayer today is that you will take care of my children. You know what is in my heart, and exactly how I want you to bless us! It is my prayer that you would grant me that blessing! But if you have other plans for us, and my children, please help me be able to accept your blessings in the ways you bestow them. Help me trust in your wisdom and lean on your strength. Amen.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Why Lutheran Schools?
My oldest son is 10 years old. This summer he will turn 11, and in August he will begin a new chapter in his life…middle school.
All three of our children attend a Lutheran school. I could write one hundred blog posts about how God has blessed us through this school, from preschool all the way through fifth grade…and then still have more to say! But a larger topic has been on my mind lately, as I ponder this jump my eldest is about to make.
Public middle school vs. private Lutheran middle school.
Since my son was born, back in 2003, I knew he would graduate from our Lutheran school. I knew that many families make the decision to move their children to the public middle school at 6th grade, but I also knew that God's plan for my children would be to remain at our Lutheran school.
I do not judge anyone, and can never fully know a family's circumstances behind their decisions in raising their children. But I would like to share my reasons for enrolling my children in our Lutheran grade school and middle school.
1. Opportunities. This may seem like a strange reason on my part, since clearly the public middle school has the ability to offer my children countless activities, electives, sports, classes, etc. that our Lutheran school cannot offer. But I'm looking past middle school...past high school...past college…to the many opportunities that my grown child will have to serve his Savior. I'm looking to when he is choosing a wife, raising children, and working as a man of God in His kingdom. God will give him so very many opportunities to spread His word, to help pass on the spark of faith in others' hearts…including his wife, children, co-workers, and fellow church members. Maybe even others around the world? Who knows how far God will lead him in his lifetime?
In these precarious middle school years, our Lutheran school is going to help give him that foundation of maturing faith that he will need to become a man of God. Yes, drama club and advanced graphic arts design class would be fabulous, but a firm foundation of faith in Christ is my (and God's) first priority.
2. Eternal life. At some point in my children's lives, they will die. I'm literally tearing up as I type this, because it could be today, tomorrow or 80 years from now. But it will happen. This life is fleeting, but life in heaven with our Savior is forever!! I literally CRAVE a close walk with God for my children. That He will live in their hearts, that they will spend their days here on earth as believers in Christ. That when they die, they will be enfolded in His loving arms. That everything they do in this life will be for Him, because they love Him.
I will do everything I can to help foster this close walk with God for my children. Our Lutheran school is doing the same thing, in additional ways that I cannot do by myself in our home. My children are witnessing adults who have chosen to serve Him every day. They are seeing their classmates faiths' growing. They get the opportunity to pray with other peers. They are able to worship as an entire school every week at chapel. They can study God's word everyday. They are part of a Christian fellowship of believers that is a truly amazing blessing!!
Thank you for listening to my heartfelt beliefs. As I look at all the beautiful faces of the children at our school, I want these blessings for ALL the children…not just my own. This is why I chose to share with you today.
All three of our children attend a Lutheran school. I could write one hundred blog posts about how God has blessed us through this school, from preschool all the way through fifth grade…and then still have more to say! But a larger topic has been on my mind lately, as I ponder this jump my eldest is about to make.
Public middle school vs. private Lutheran middle school.
Since my son was born, back in 2003, I knew he would graduate from our Lutheran school. I knew that many families make the decision to move their children to the public middle school at 6th grade, but I also knew that God's plan for my children would be to remain at our Lutheran school.
I do not judge anyone, and can never fully know a family's circumstances behind their decisions in raising their children. But I would like to share my reasons for enrolling my children in our Lutheran grade school and middle school.
1. Opportunities. This may seem like a strange reason on my part, since clearly the public middle school has the ability to offer my children countless activities, electives, sports, classes, etc. that our Lutheran school cannot offer. But I'm looking past middle school...past high school...past college…to the many opportunities that my grown child will have to serve his Savior. I'm looking to when he is choosing a wife, raising children, and working as a man of God in His kingdom. God will give him so very many opportunities to spread His word, to help pass on the spark of faith in others' hearts…including his wife, children, co-workers, and fellow church members. Maybe even others around the world? Who knows how far God will lead him in his lifetime?
In these precarious middle school years, our Lutheran school is going to help give him that foundation of maturing faith that he will need to become a man of God. Yes, drama club and advanced graphic arts design class would be fabulous, but a firm foundation of faith in Christ is my (and God's) first priority.
2. Eternal life. At some point in my children's lives, they will die. I'm literally tearing up as I type this, because it could be today, tomorrow or 80 years from now. But it will happen. This life is fleeting, but life in heaven with our Savior is forever!! I literally CRAVE a close walk with God for my children. That He will live in their hearts, that they will spend their days here on earth as believers in Christ. That when they die, they will be enfolded in His loving arms. That everything they do in this life will be for Him, because they love Him.
I will do everything I can to help foster this close walk with God for my children. Our Lutheran school is doing the same thing, in additional ways that I cannot do by myself in our home. My children are witnessing adults who have chosen to serve Him every day. They are seeing their classmates faiths' growing. They get the opportunity to pray with other peers. They are able to worship as an entire school every week at chapel. They can study God's word everyday. They are part of a Christian fellowship of believers that is a truly amazing blessing!!
Thank you for listening to my heartfelt beliefs. As I look at all the beautiful faces of the children at our school, I want these blessings for ALL the children…not just my own. This is why I chose to share with you today.
Monday, February 24, 2014
My Grandmother and Corrie
I have this memory of my grandmother. We are in her kitchen, and she is standing in her favorite corner (where she always stood, next to her coffee pot) and I am sitting at her counter, in the swivel chair. She is telling me about Corrie ten Boom.
I have another memory of my grandmother. She and I are sitting in her mauve chairs in her mauve living room, sipping Coke from cans, and she is telling me about Corrie ten Boom.
I have yet another memory of my grandmother. I am sitting on her waterbed in her lovely silver and pale blue bedroom. She is sitting on the chair next to the bed, we are eating potato chips and sipping (what else?) Coke, and she is telling me about Corrie ten Boom.
When I was a child, Corrie ten Boom had a profound impact on my grandmother. I couldn't see it through my young eyes, I just knew she told me about her. A lot.
At that time, Corrie's book, The Hiding Place, had been in print for around 10 years. It is a story about Corrie and her family, and how they made a terrifyingly difficult decision to harbor Jews in their home in the dark days before and during world war 2. It also goes on to tell of her time spent in prison and concentration camps, finally at Ravensbruck. In the early 80's, the book was still relatively new. Like all bestsellers, this book had a broad reach…and it swept right into my grandmother's living room, guided without a doubt by her Heavenly Father.
I've had many years to think about Corrie ten Boom and her book, but I didn't actually read it until last year. Oh, how I wish I had read it before my grandmother passed away! I now know why she admired this quiet, foreign woman. I understand why she felt so compelled to tell everyone about the captivating, horrendous, amazing, and heart-wrenching story.
My grandmother had a difficult life. Growing up, she was "dirt poor" as my mother always puts it. She recollected hearing mites "pop" when ironing her clothes. When she was in high school, her father burned down their house while in a fit of rage. Her husband passed away when her three children were still young. She had failing health when she was in her late 60's and early 70's, and passed away at 72 young years of age.
In Corrie's book, she speaks about the need to love all humans, whether they are Christian or not. She speaks about the atrocities that she and her sister Betsy were forced to endure. But Betsy and Corrie never gave up hope or lost faith. In fact, they amazingly continued to witness throughout their torturous years. One quote from the book resonated with me, and I'm sure it is a quote that gave my grandmother enormous comfort:
"There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still."
My grandmother had been in the pit. And, like Corrie, she felt the love of God keeping her from drowning. I know my grandmother's situation was not the same as Corrie's, but I would like to think that part of Corrie's purpose in writing her book was to help strengthen faith in others, no matter what their circumstances.
I know that my faith is a direct result of the faith that my grandmother passed down to my mother, and then passed down to me. As a child, I admired a woman who was kind, gentle, slow to anger (what anger? I never witnessed any), and full of love for me. As a young teenager I grew to know a Grandmother who prayed for my husband (wherever and whomever he might be) she had yet to meet, who gave me my precious bible I still use today, and who shared her knowledge and wisdom with me. As an adult I grew to know this woman was my "kindred spirit" as she used to call me, who knew even when I didn't that God was in my heart, who knew God had marvelous things planned for me, and who knew a Savior that had infinite love for all.
Long ago, on April 14, 1892 in the Netherlands, a woman was born who would grow up to be a marvelous witness for Christ, one whom God would use to help strengthen the faith of so many of His children.
Including my grandmother. And now, including me.
Monday, February 17, 2014
I'm In Love With…the Morning?
This morning I ran into a dear friend in the office at school. She was all smiles, and exclaimed that she was just very happy this morning. She had a long list of things to do, and none of them were yet accomplished…but she was, still, just very happy. She added that her mood may very well be changed by late this evening, but on this snowy Monday morning, everything was great!
I heartily agreed with her! Mornings are great! I feel the most productive, have the most energy, am the most patient with my kids…all in the mornings. If it is a sunny morning, well, all the better.
As I drove away and was pondering all of this, another memory came to mind. Not long ago yet a different dear friend posted this on her Facebook page:
"Thankful that His mercies are new every morning…and that joy comes in the morning."
Of course that phrase rang a bell in the depths of my Sunday-School-bible-verse-memory-archives. Thanks to Bible Gateway (my favorite website to look up bible verses), I very quickly found the Psalm she was quoting:
I heartily agreed with her! Mornings are great! I feel the most productive, have the most energy, am the most patient with my kids…all in the mornings. If it is a sunny morning, well, all the better.
As I drove away and was pondering all of this, another memory came to mind. Not long ago yet a different dear friend posted this on her Facebook page:
"Thankful that His mercies are new every morning…and that joy comes in the morning."
Of course that phrase rang a bell in the depths of my Sunday-School-bible-verse-memory-archives. Thanks to Bible Gateway (my favorite website to look up bible verses), I very quickly found the Psalm she was quoting:
"Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints,
and give thanks to His holy name.
For His anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes in the morning."
Psalm 30:6-7
And then, of course, things seemed to all click into place. It wasn't a very hard concept to put together, and quite obvious really, but I guess once again my feeble humanity clouded my eyes to see how God works in our lives.
I am joyous in the morning because God grants me joy. NEW each morning.
I feel good, productive, patient, loved, happy, etc…because God has promised to renew me each morning. To give me the strength and vigor that I need to boost me through my day.
Yes, some mornings are not joyful. Some mornings I wake up, foggy…then remember a certain situation, and grief or worry or shame may roll over me. I really don't like those mornings. But at least I have the promise: "weeping may tarry for the night (and perhaps that night may last a LONG time), but JOY comes in the morning." I WILL have joyful mornings again, it is a promise I can cling to. Even when there may be nothing else to grasp.
Thank you LORD, for this morning of JOY! Thank you for your mercies that are new today, and will be new tomorrow! Quiet my soul on the mornings of grief or sadness. Let this promise of "JOY to come" bring hope on those dark mornings. Amen.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
On Parental Yelling and Residual Guilt...
I would love to say that I am not a yeller.
I also wish I could say that I have never told a lie.
I would love to be one of those moms who literally oozes patience, who demands obedience with her mere presence, who can give one look to her children and they comply.
I would like to stop believing the myth that this type of mother actually exists.
I would enjoy never feeling my anger rise so very quickly, so suddenly, so inexplicably.
I wish I could always look at those angelic faces with complete calm and reverent love.
I have a dream world, where my offspring obey the first time I ask them to do something.
I break down in my resolution to remain calm, I raise my voice once, twice, louder still until the third and fourth time I have repeated a direction onto a little body…only then do I see a reaction from that little angel.
I have residual guilt.
I don't want to be a teacher who conveys that yelling is a reasonable form of communication.
I don't want my children to remember specific times when I let my anger get the best of me.
I want to be a mother who shows Jesus' patience.
I need to be a mother who accepts help from her Savior.
I am thankful for the blessings of my beautiful children.
I am in loving awe of these three little blessings, right now, as they are off at school.
I pray for them constantly.
I don't think it is possible for me to ever receive a bigger blessing from my Lord than my children.
I also wish I could say that I have never told a lie.
I would love to be one of those moms who literally oozes patience, who demands obedience with her mere presence, who can give one look to her children and they comply.
I would like to stop believing the myth that this type of mother actually exists.
I would enjoy never feeling my anger rise so very quickly, so suddenly, so inexplicably.
I wish I could always look at those angelic faces with complete calm and reverent love.
I have a dream world, where my offspring obey the first time I ask them to do something.
I break down in my resolution to remain calm, I raise my voice once, twice, louder still until the third and fourth time I have repeated a direction onto a little body…only then do I see a reaction from that little angel.
I have residual guilt.
I don't want to be a teacher who conveys that yelling is a reasonable form of communication.
I don't want my children to remember specific times when I let my anger get the best of me.
I want to be a mother who shows Jesus' patience.
I need to be a mother who accepts help from her Savior.
I am thankful for the blessings of my beautiful children.
I am in loving awe of these three little blessings, right now, as they are off at school.
I pray for them constantly.
I don't think it is possible for me to ever receive a bigger blessing from my Lord than my children.
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