The Luck 'O the Blessed?

Green clovers,
Green beer,
Green t-shirts,
Green river,
Green Kiss-Me-I'm-Irish sticker,
Green bow-tie,
Green, green, green.

All this green has got me thinking about another green: green with envy.  It doesn't take St. Patty's day to bring out the green in me.  Living here in the Land of Plenty, I find myself struck with the green disease way too frequently.

"My friends' houses are so much bigger than mine."
"Her wardrobe is amazing…and surely so expensive."
"They can afford so many extra curricular's for their kids."
"Wow, they are going on another vacation?"

…and all of these statements followed by feelings of, "I wish our family could have what their's has…"

I don't think I'm going out on a limb to say I'm probably not the only one who thinks like this from time to time.  I tend to compare my most meager possessions to others' largest ones.  I know that is not fair, and it isn't pleasing to God.

So this St. Patrick's Day, I am going to focus on less green and more thankfulness.   Maybe I can make this holiday good for something that really matters: a look at all my blessings.  I know I don't have my wonderful gifts from God because of mere LUCK. I have everything because of His love for me.  He knows what I need, when I need it.

So maybe we don't have a huge house...but I have three amazing children to cuddle in our little home.
So maybe I don't have those designer shoes...but I have children who are clothed in God's love.
So maybe we don't enroll in 10 different programs for our kids...but we have a church family that loves us unconditionally.
So maybe we can't go on that expensive vacation...but we have everlasting life waiting for us someday in Heaven.

On Being Young…A Letter to My Children

Dear amazing, special, and unique children of mine,

Jesus once told a parable about a vineyard owner who hired workers to work in his field.  Some were hired at sunrise, others at nine, then noon, then three and some even as late in the day as five o'clock.  In the evening, when the work day was over, the vineyard owner came to give everyone their pay: one denarius.  Yes, one denarius for every worker, even those that only worked for a few hours! Even one denarius for the workers who had worked fourteen or more hours!!  Is that fair?

You know, I am almost 40 years old. I have spent most of my 39+ years loving God and serving Him. You, my children, are only 8, 10 and 11 years old!!  God can't possibly love you as much as He loves me, right?  I mean, He MUST hand out more blessings to me because I have loved Him and praised Him and served Him for so long!  Your measly little years are nothing compared to mine!

NO WAY! God just doesn't work like that!

He is like the vineyard owner in the parable.  Each of those workers were equally valuable and special to the owner, so he paid them all the same.

Just because you have only been His child for eleven years doesn't mean He loves you less! In fact:

His love for you is overflowing,

His forgiveness is never-ending,

His grace is ALL YOU NEED,

His blessings are abundant,

His patience is endless,

and He will always guide you home to Him.

Celebrate what you are this very day...young! Every stage of your life was designed by God, and His designs are prefect!  With each year, you will find the new treasures He has planned for you.  But for today, you are exactly where God wants you to be, my amazing kiddos.  What a perfect love He has for you!

Love, 

Mom 

Less is More...

"He must become greater, I must become less." John 3:30

Trust + Humility = Distress + Frustration. Well, for me at least! Trust and humility (or lack thereof) seem to go hand in hand when it comes to this girl. Let me explain.

Lately, I've felt the dark hands of anxiety trying to find its grip on me. My anxiety triggers are almost always health "issues." This past fall and winter have been brutal: Lice epidemic (or so it felt to me) in our school, a crazy outbreak of the flu and some other vicious stomach bug, my husband's cellulitis infection that freaked the living daylights out of me, ongoing tummy trouble with my sweet daughter (resulting in a three month doctor-mandated gluten free trial), and possible attention issues with my pulls-at-my-heartstrings little seven year old son.

Let's add on top of that: My oldest son started middle school this fall (so many new changes socially and academically), I started a new job (joyful, but first time back to work in 11 years!!), my daughter entered a new ballet training program, My husband's company scheduled a conference in Orlando the entire first week of December (WHO does that??!!), and I somewhat foolishly volunteered to be a part of yet another choir (that made 3 this Christmas season).

I'm guessing that many of my friends could type two very similar paragraphs. But from time to time, I let the above-mentioned "stress list" get the better of me. And here is where I go dangerously wrong:

I lose trust.

In fact, I stop even trying to trust in my Savior.  Instead of letting God be in control, I let my "stress list" control me. I let it zoom in and out of my thoughts. I let it influence my words as I speak to my children. I let it interfere with my sleep. Like a snowball, I let my small situations become too great-and then I start to unravel. 

Luckily for me, God doesn't stop trying to hit me over the head to get my attention.  Right now I am doing two bible studies at church. The first is discussing the "words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart" (Psalm 19:14)…hmmm, have I been allowing my "stress-list" to have a "hostile take over" in my heart lately? 

The second study is guiding me through the book of John during the 30 days before lent. In John 3:30, John the Baptist referred to Jesus when he said, "He must become greater, I must become less." John had been proclaiming the coming of a Savior. John was just a herald of Christ, his purpose was to make known the arrival of the Savior. John knew his purpose was to "become less" and Jesus was to "become greater." The question to ponder about his verse was this: "In my life, how does Jesus "need to increase" and I "need to decrease?"

And here, this blog post has come full circle: Trust + Humility. I need to humble myself before my Savior. I am so human, God is perfect. I am limited and stuck in the moment, God is infinite! I need to "decrease" this debilitating selfishness where I keep my "stress list" clutched to my heart, thinking I can work my way through it alone. I need to "increase" my trust in the promise from my Savior that he will take care of me: "Cast all your anxiety on Him, for he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7"  He will watch over me, provide for me, and give me strength when I feel I have none of my own. 

For me, trust doesn't come without humility. Admitting I cannot live this life through my own strength is humbling. Trying to take control away from God is a monumentous bad habit to break. So I'm going to keep plugging away, asking my gracious Savior for help every day. 

I'm going to predict a different outcome: Trust + Humility = Peace + Comfort. 

Why I, God's Prodigal Daughter, Need Christmas

The early spring birds were singing the day she was born. Her parents looked at her with overflowing love as they contemplated the blessing that had been given to them. Into her soft newborn hair, her mother whispered a prayer of thanks to her Heavenly Father. They kissed her temples and marveled at this new love.

The spring birds turned to summer flowers and long warm days.  Her parents brought her into their church to give her God's gift of baptism. Her new church family smiled as they watched her receive the sign of the Holy Spirit upon her forehead and upon her heart. 

The little baby grew and grew.  All the while her parents told her they loved her, and that Jesus loved her.  But she wasn't perfect.  As she grew, so did her free will.  Many of her choices pleased her parents, but there were others that did not.  Like the time she disobeyed and crossed the street to ride her bike, although she knew that was outside of her "boundaries." Or the time she gave her sister a little shove down a dirt hill. Or the time she lied to her grandparents. She was sorry for all of these choices, and her parents knew of her regret. She received her consequences and was forgiven. 

She went to school and learned more and more each day of her Savior. She came to know of Him and His stories as if they were second nature to her.  She felt at home in his house, sang in children's choir, and said prayers with her parents each night before bed. She loved her Heavenly Father.  But still, she made those bad choices.  Amidst all the good, there was still the bad.  Those times when she gossiped about a school mate, lied to her parents, glanced at a friend's test, or disobeyed a teacher. She knew the choices were bad, and asked God for forgiveness.  Sometimes.

The clock kept ticking, and she grew and grew.  She became a young lady, confirmed in Christ. The pastor gave her a special verse on that day, Matthew 28:20, "I am with you always, even unto the end of the age." It stuck with her, and she often remembered it when she was feeling pushed and pulled by a world that didn't show His love. When things were hard and her choice became even harder.  As a bigger girl, she had bigger choices…and bigger opportunities for mistakes.  Just like when she was a child, she made many good choices.  She felt God's love and guiding hand as she steered her way through high school.  She still made her bad choices, but she knew her Savior, and was confident in his forgiveness.  

She passed through birthdays, driver's tests, college entrance exams, and finally graduation.  She knew she someday wanted to be a teacher, so made plans to go to a Lutheran University. She skipped off to school with an absentminded wave to her parents (those same parents who prayed into her soft infant hair and kissed her warm temples) and launched at full speed into her first year of college. And began to make bad choices. 

Bad choices about studying. Bad choices about friends. In her heart, she knew that every decision she made would bring her closer or further away from her Father. But it wasn't too convenient to dwell on those facts, so she shut them behind a door and went on her way. 

Her parents came to visit, and she visited home.  They went to church, but now she felt guilt instead of the overwhelming love and peace she had felt as a child. So she shut that behind the door too, and went on her way.

Her parents and sister prayed for her.  Her grandparents prayed for her.  The Holy Spirit prayed for her.  Her Heavenly Father, the one who promised to be with her wherever she went, kept His promise.  He was there with her always, through every bad choice.  He did not leave her, could not leave His beautiful daughter that He loved so infinitely much. 

Slowly, it seemed to her, she grew and grew.  Through the prayers of her family, help of teachers God sent her, friends He put in her path, and finally a young man God placed next to her, she slowly began to see Her Savior again. She opened the door and let Him back in.  

Then one day after graduation she was called to serve as a teacher in a Lutheran School, just like the one where she grew up.  She was amazed and thankful to God for this gift.  She knew how He had stayed next to her in her rough times and was humbled to know He loved her still. She loved that first year of teaching, and felt instantly at home in His house.  She sang in the choir, prayed at devotions with her fellow teachers, and stole quiet moments in the chapel. 

But still, she didn't make perfect choices.  How could she? She was sinful. Time and again, He forgave her.

Another year ticked by and she married that young man God had sent her.  All the while their parents prayed for them, their grandparents prayed for them, the Holy Spirit prayed for them. They pleased God with their choices, but also grieved him.  They worshiped Him, loved Him and asked His forgiveness.  He freely gave it to them. 

They grew and grew together.  Then one day God blessed them with a baby. They marveled at his perfectness, they looked into his blue eyes and were overwhelmed with love. 

She held her baby boy and whispered a prayer of thanks to God into his soft hair, she kissed his warm temples and prayed. In her entire lifetime, there had not been a day that she had not needed her Savior. She knew, as she quietly looked at her tiny miracle, that it would be the same for her little boy. He would always need his Savior. He would make good choices and bad. He would struggle, but his Savior would never leave him. She would never stop praying for him.  His father would always pray for him. His grandparents would always pray for him.  The Holy Spirit would always pray for him.  

Now she looks and listens as her children play.  She watches them grow and learn at the same school she taught. She sees their love for their Savior.  Her heart overflows. She glances at her Christmas tree as she types, and feels a rush of emotion as she thanks God for the birth of His son.  Every day of her life she has needed her Savior.  Every day of her children's lives have they needed their Savior.  Every time they make a bad decision or a foolish choice, every sin they commit.  They need the forgiveness of their Savior. 

Here, within the red, the green, the ribbons and bows is the true reason she loves Christmas. The birth of her Savior…and His ultimate sacrifice for her salvation.  

She kisses her daughter's ten year old temples, and thanks God for the birth of her Savior.  He was born for her, for her husband, for her three beautiful children. Because we all need Him, every single day.

Merry Christmas! May the wonder of Christ's birth, and the amazing gift He gave you fill you all with peace!

My Grandmother and How She Was Just About God!

In December, I often think of my grandmother.  Truthfully, I think about her all the time. She left a legacy of love with her children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, in-laws, son in laws, grandson-in laws, and so many more. She was born on December 14, 1927.

Today, this is how she came to mind...

Amidst the busy month of December, I have been trying to carve out a time to focus on God's word.  Like a true prodigal daughter, I wander away from Him every day.  This girl knows that God promises to speak to me through His word!  God's word is His lifeline to me, but do I turn to it often enough? Definitely not.  I try to tackle my day or my week all alone…and then I wonder why I'm stressed.

This morning I got out my bible (and probably looked completely foolish if neighbor might have peeked through the window), randomly opened it and laid my forehead down somewhere in Judges.  Perhaps I felt that if my head was that close to God's word, maybe I could make my heart follow along! I prayed that I would be able to "bring down my walls" that I put up…the ones that keep me preoccupied and distracted while I pray and read and study. I prayed that I would hear, feel and see God speaking to me through His word.

I was reading in Luke about Jesus staying behind in the temple while his family traveled on ahead, and how he worried his mother. When she questioned him, he replied,

"Why were you searching for me?" He asked them.  "Didn't you know that I had to be in my Father's house?" Luke 2:49

The author of my devotion* had this to say about this verse:

"In my opinion, Christ's response was quite interesting.  I've searched every Greek translation I can find, and none of my resources have an original word that directly translates to "house" or "business" in verse 49.  From what I can gather, a more precise translation of Christ's response might be: "Didn't you know that I had to be about my Father?"

"That question implies the desire of my heart more than any other I can imagine.  I just want to be about God.  Not about ministry.  Not about my own agenda. Not about writing books and Bible studies. Not about me at all.  When all is said and done I would give my life for people to be able to say, "She was just about God." That would be the ultimate legacy."

Immediately as I read the last paragraph, I thought of my grandmother.  Just about anyone who knew her would say that she was "just about God!" Her fellow Realtors in her office knew she was just about God.  The sales clerk at her favorite store knew she was just about God. Her neighbors and the mailman knew she was just about God. The nurses in the hospital during her surgeries knew she was just about God.  The QVC operator probably knew she was just about God. 

What a legacy!!!  Her strong faith and commitment to our Savior was uncontainable and irrepressible!  She knew (even though I know she struggled just like we all do) that her life was not about her own agenda. She knew God would use her to bring Him to others, and she literally craved the opportunities.  She wasn't afraid of looking foolish or being embarrassed by showing her faith. She just loved him so very much. Oh man, she was Just About God!

Happy Birthday to my dear, amazing, grandmother! For your past 14 birthdays you have been resting in Christ, finally wrapped in the warmth of the Savior you worshipped and served for so long! My heart is so happy for you!

Dear Lord, may I be Just About You! May no other distractions get in the way of being about your agenda, not my own. This season is all about your birth, and your life given for our salvation. That should be my agenda: making sure everyone knows this news! NOT rushing to get the cookies baked in time for the Christmas party, NOT hurriedly putting up the twinkle lights on the front porch, NOT fretting over gift selections. Thank you for opening my heart and eyes to hear and see this message today. I love you Lord, and may everyone I know see your love through me! Amen

* Jesus Day By Day, Beth Moore

False Hope and Chasing Peace

Hope. Peace. Love. Joy. 

Oh how these words echo throughout my mind during Advent.  They are so important to me, that I bring them out…one by one…to boldly exclaim my excitement for Christ's birth.

Sometimes I feel like I am chasing these gifts.  Most specifically, peace.  I crave peace. That euphoric feeling when nothing is bothering me, when everyone is healthy, when there are no nagging little worries.

Sometimes I feel false hope. First its joy, followed by that terrifying feeling when you realize a doctor has given you an incorrect diagnosis.  Or first you feel bliss, then devastation when someone you love deceives you.  You wonder how you can ever put hope in anything, when everything and everyone has the potential to let you down.

Sometimes I have been mistaken about who really loves me.  I have put my love and trust in people who I thought (and hoped) returned my feelings. I know and remember the pain when that illusion is shattered, when I felt the emptiness in that very place I had thought was filled with love. It became an empty, gaping hole in my heart.

And joy.  I have felt joy in my hope, in my peace and in my love.  Oh how quickly and vibrantly joy pops into my soul! But also, how quickly my joy can be dashed.  Like those times when I'm feeling on top of the world: I'm feeling the joy of the children I teach, the sunshine on my face, the happiness of knowing my husband will be home early from work! Then I get a call from the principal at school, who is having a "discussion" with my naughty child. Or I open an email to read of the news of a dear friend with a cancer diagnosis. Or I learn of a sweet little first grader in my son's class who unexpectedly lost her mother. My joy is dashed. I feel my own pain, and I feel a fraction of the pain my friends are experiencing.  And I wonder when I will begin to feel that joy again.

I am literally chasing Hope, Peace, Love and Joy.  I am hunting them down with a vengeance.  I am wheeling and dealing to try and place them firmly in my life. But I can never completely do it, and I'm getting really tired of trying.

Then, from deep within my frustration is a still, small voice saying,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest in your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

I no longer need to search. I am wasting my energy, my time, my breath. I don't need to chase anything, ever again.  My precious Savior is telling me, "Wendy, my darling daughter, just come to me. I have what you need…everything." He can handle my burdens, he can give me the rest I need, the rest in my soul. In other words: my Hope, Peace, Love and Joy. 

This verse is a promise! If I take his yoke upon me (His, which is easy and light) instead of my own which is tremendously too heavy for me…He WILL give me my Peace. My Hope is in this promise and He will never let me down. I am guaranteed of his Love for me forever! My Joy in Him can never be dashed, can never be snuffed out. I can rest easy in the Peace of this promise. 

He has sent me countless blessings among the hardships, he has sustained me and lifted me up. He will give me the peace and the strength to survive and thrive amidst the ugliness of this sinful world. He alone makes it possible for me to continually have Hope, Peace, Love and Joy. 

This is the real reason I put up these words on my front porch during advent. In a few weeks, we will celebrate the birth of the One who made me this promise. The birth of the one who will bring us all Hope, Peace, Love and Joy. Oh how we need Him! Come, Lord Jesus, quickly come!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9rw3RLv9AY

So Far So Good!

So far, the thankfulness abounds. Will the newness wear off? Probably. Will they so willingly and enthusiastically submit their thoughts? Probably not. But for the next few days, I'll take it.