The Words My Mouth Speaks (even in my head...)

"The mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart." Matthew 12:34

My mouth speaks all the time. In fact, sometimes it won't shut up. If I feel a lull in a conversation, I hear myself attempting to fill it. My mouth speaks even when its closed. These words, I've come to the conclusion, are the most dangerous. When I don't think anyone can hear me, I can say whatever I want, right? Rude things about other people, cutting remarks about myself, etc. I just tend to SO EASILY forget that God doesn't discern between spoken words and words of thought. To Him, they are all just my words. Or to quote Psalm 19 again, the "meditations of my heart."

So if my mouth is speaking from the overflow of my heart, I would hope my words are full of joy, and peace and love. And that would mean that my heart if full of joy, peace and love. But what about those days when every word I speak is a snarky retort, or a sarcastic phrase. What about when I snap at my kids, or voice my impatience with my husband? What does that say about what's in my heart?

This morning and into the afternoon, my harsh words were catching up with me. I went to Kohl's to buy a few new cute tops for a trip my husband and I are taking in the near future. You know how dressings room try-ons can go: sometimes its great and sometimes it is just plain awful. This was an awful one. I had a HUGE pile of shirts on my first trip in. NONE of them fit. I began to get down on myself, and how I looked. "...if I was thinner this shirt would fit..." etc.

By the time I was leaving, my mood had been spiraling downward. Then, at the checkout, I was behind this cute little (emphasis on LITTLE) mom with her two little boys. Remember what I said about comparing my worst qualities with her best ones? Let's just say I didn't leave the store feeling too good about myself.

In my mind, I know to say "SHAME! You are a wonderful person, and so much more that how you look." But in my heart, all I could hear was how I wasn't good enough.

I am glad to report that after doing housework, giving my little boy a bath and typing today's post, I am feeling better. Knowing that these are the things I am measured by: my love for my family and God, my service to Him and others...the words of my heart are sounding much more fair and kind.

I just wish I never had to have those "down-ward spiraling" moments.